quarter life crisis
2003-05-29, 11:27 p.m.

I thought after I went to college and got my four year degree everything was supposed to be figured out for me. I don't know if I've ever been more wrong. I thought that I would pick my major, graduate with honors (well that happened) and then fall into a job in my field. A high-paying job to be specific. Unfortunately, art curating jobs don't just fall out of the sky.

So I'm stuck in a job that could be handled by someone with a high school degree, though I pretend the measly high-school educated person could never bring the intellect and enthusiasm I do to the exciting world of medical claims. Ever dealt with Medicare? Only then do you have any idea how sarcastic I'm being...

The truth is I don't know what I want to do. I love art, but I don't know if I want to work with it. I like forensics, but I don't know if I want to deal with criminals. I like interior decorating, but starting your own business is a pain in the ass. And beyond that, I really don't know. I actually bought a book today about figuring out what you want. Fucking hell, I'm now reading the self-help books I once made fun of.

This glimpse I have of the unknown future freaks me out. I like things to be carefully planned and calculated. I've never had to work hard for anything in my life. I rarely studied and still got the As. People recruited me for summer internships and jobs, but now I'm finding that I might actually have to work at my life.

I'm not at all happy with this new revelation. Truthfully, it makes me want to sleep until it's all planned out for me.

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