only live twice
2003-09-02, 8:25 p.m.

Can't a girl go to the beach with her boyfriend without having some sort of traumatic experience? Apparently, the answer to that question is no, at least in my case. Because it was a beautiful day yesterday, Conor and I took a road trip to one of the lesser-known beaches in the area. We hoped in vain that there would be less screaming children and more listening to the waves crash. Not so. Immediately after we arrived, I was reminded why this beach is not as popular. Gay male couples flock there. Ok, not really a problem, just a little different. Personally, I hoped maybe Carson from Queer Eye would flit by and give me style tips. On the other hand, Conor was a little freaked when the first 6 couples who walked by were all male (and they all looked at him appreciatively.)

My traumatic moment took place seconds later. As I sat down in my beach chair, an 80 year old man less than 6 feet away decided to turn his chair 180 degrees so that he was staring directly at me. Okay, freaky enough, but I can deal. Then I made the mistake of looking down in the sand. As I did, I noticed that this elderly gentlemen didn't feel the need to keep the netting in his swimming trunks. His balls were staring directly at me and let me assure you that old-man-scrotum is not my cup of tea. Ugh, I could puke writing about it. I quickly jerked my head up with a gasp and saw that freaky flasher man was grinning at me from ear to ear. He was completely aware of the fact that his goodies were hanging out. Of course as soon as I turned to Conor, he crossed his legs and looked off into the distance.

Despite that, we managed to have a good time. After I hauled Conor a mile down the beach.

Friday night my boyfriend stood me up to go out with the boys. I'm glad he spends time with his friends, but if you'll remember I was pining for him last week and really just wanted to spend time with him. Calling at two a.m. when the bar closes and wanting me to come over when he's shitfaced was not the quality time I was looking for.

Of course, I went anyway. Yes, the mere mention of sex after an entire week was enough to make me drive across town in my pajamas. However, I was highly annoyed when I got there and found that he was too smashed to even get it up. He spent Saturday making up for that.

My grandfather's cousins from Scotland were here this weekend and they are just really fun people. Tommy is 86 and loads of laughes. His nephew, Greg, is about 45 and a true Scot. They brought out the Scottish whiskey at 4 in the afternoon and proceeded to get Conor and I wasted. It only took me about 4 shots of the whiskey. I'm glad they keep that stuff in Scotland, I can only drink it every once in awhile. Like every ten years (which is how often they come to visit.)

It's sad though. Tommy is in great shape for his age, but in all likelihood, he won't ever make the trip to the States again. It's a horrible feeling to say goodbye to someone you love and know that you probably will never see them again.

"And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,

Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone.

This dream is for you, so pay the price.

Make one dream come true, you only live twice."

-Coldplay

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